Monday, October 17, 2016

You'll be there.

Some of the most comforting lyrics I've ever heard begin with "Hope is an anchor, and Love is a ship. Time is the ocean, Life is a trip." The first time I remember hearing it, King George sang it one night years ago as I traveled alone from some small country town in East Texas to a smaller country town in Central Mississippi. And tonight I sang it to one of my boys at bedtime. I've been singing it a lot lately, because I miss you.

I never held you. I don't even know your name. In my heart I know you. I close my eyes and I see you. Or maybe I feel you. I wanted you so much but God needed you. The more time goes by, the more I miss you. As the anniversaries of the day we said goodbye to you happen over and over month  after month I just can't stop the feeling of wanting you. I cry thinking about you.

I never understood what a person felt with the death of an unborn child until we didn't have you. Many people believe a father doesn't have an emotion regarding miscarriage but I'm here saying there isn't a moment that goes by that I don't think about you sweet baby, a moment that I don't miss you or want you with us. And I don't have all the words to explain the feelings I feel but there are feelings there, a loneliness in my heart.

But as life does, we continue on. I keep on singing this sweet song to your brothers waiting for the day that I meet you. And when that time finally comes, it will be worth all the price I've paid just to be with you.

"I know that I want to go where the streets are gold cause you'll be there."

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